I own a king-sized Tempur-Pedic bed and let me just start
out by saying: I love this bed. It was well worth the tons of money we had to
pay for it. Two years before I ever slept in this God-given gift I’d only
vaguely heard of Tempur-Pedic. My Tempur-Pedic education came mostly from those
commercials where that woman jumps up and down on the bed and the glass of wine
doesn’t fall over. I didn’t care about the bed at all because the commercials
were stupid. Therefore, so was the bed.
Then, we went to Florida to visit my husband’s sister. I
was barely pregnant (with twins that we didn’t know about yet) and very tired.
Always tired. In the small house where we stayed, we had to share a
room with my then 13-month-old daughter. Sleep was fleeting.
We didn’t sleep much and not just because of the ever
shuffling of the one year old. The guest bed was awful with its lumpy
creakiness. If I moved, the lump moved with me. So I did lots of lying still so
as not to puncture my spleen or wake my baby. Lots of sweating because it was
hot and the air conditioning wasn’t working right. Lots of sleepless nights. I
mean, seriously, my legs hurt from the bed.
We didn't complain. I mean, we got to go to the beach, see
Santa, and eat good food all for the price of two plane tickets. What's a
little sleep depravation? Not much since we already had a little one and a full
night’s was a rarity. I always wondered and still do, how lack of sleep isn’t
something I could ever get used to.
Then, one night, my husband’s sister offered to let us
sleep in her bed...her Tempur-Pedic bed. We did without protest. I
remember lying down. Next thing I knew, I woke up. The bed was freaking
awesome!
We went home and ordered our own bed two weeks later and I
haven't looked back since. I love sleeping in this bed.
If you’ve never seen or heard about these beds, allow me
to explain.
Tempur-Pedic beds are made from what looks like a giant
piece of foam. It’s a mattress-sized piece of foam, but it still looks
like something you’d wrap breakables in if you were shipping them. It’s the
same thickness as a regular mattress but unlike a regular mattress, it has no
springs. When the movers brought it in the house, they had it folded in half so
they could carry it up the stairs. It’s bendy like that.
When I make the bed, I have a hard time picking up the
corners to get the sheets over the top near the headboard because of it's
bendiness and heaviness. This can give you an idea of how heavy it bed is.
We bought the Tempur-Pedic before we bought our bedroom
furniture. Horrible idea. My husband almost killed himself trying to get
it onto the bed frame. I wasn’t allowed to help (he yelled at me) because, at
this point, I was super big and super pregnant.
When you touch, sit, or lay on this bed, you sink into it.
Not to the point were you are stuck, but if you get up and look, you’ll see an
indention of yourself slowly fading from view. It forms itself around you to
give you some awesome sleeping support. When you roll over it reshapes around
you, and the person next to you never feels you move. It makes for a wonderful
night’s sleep.
In that vein, it also makes acrobatic sex very difficult.
OK, it doesn’t have to be acrobatic sex. That’s just how I like my sex. Sex isn't
fun unless someone gets kicked in the head at some point.
Like I said, when we bought this bed, I was pregnant. Now,
we did have sex while I was pregnant, but we just assumed that my
ever-expanding girth was the cause for our performance issues. Eventually, in
the late months, sex was out of the question. I couldn’t do it and be able to
breath. I couldn’t be on the top or my husband couldn’t breath. We like to
breath, with the needing oxygen to live and all. So, we refrained from having
sex.
Months passed. Babies were born. I was given the go ahead
to have some sexual relations.
That’s when we discovered that having sex in our bed
is very, very difficult. You need to have well laid out plans, several backup
plans, and a safety line in case of emergencies. Blueprints need to be drawn
up. Safety harnesses might have been a necessity.
My husband and I have a very, um, active sex life. We’ve
had sex in every room in our house (except the kids rooms, that’s just icky).
We usually do it (or at least used to do it) in the bedroom because 1) it’s
late and 2) it’s late.
The bed is now the place that we do it the least. Don’t
get me wrong; the bed doesn’t make it impossible. It just makes it more effort
and energy that could be used for other more pleasurable things. I’ve lost my
traction because of that bed. I’ve sunk while, um...on top and have had to
re-adjust several times thus losing a pretty good rhythm.
I’ve pulled a leg muscle in that bed. I'm wrenched my neck
in that bed. My husband has gotten cramps while trying to keep aloft in the
ever sinking bed. It’s not pretty. It’s not fun. It's counterproductive.
So, now we prefer the couch (which causes sinkage, but not
as much as the bed), the floor, the family room chairs, the kitchen counters,
and the dining room chairs. We avoid the dining room table because it’s made of
glass. We do think ahead. Plus, I love that table and would be sad if we broke
it. I don’t like being sad.
So this is a warning to you. If you want a good night’s
sleep, get a Tempur-Pedic bed. It’s well worth the money and it’s
well worth the sweat it takes to change the sheets. Just be aware that
you’ll need to find an alternate place to have sex. Unless you have uneventful,
non-athletic, boring sex. That makes me sad too. Bad sex is a bad thing…
These beds should come with a warning label.
Will promote full, restful night’s sleep. Will cause
issues with sex-life. Do it on this bed at your own risk.
